SEXUAL ABUSE
Hello Readers! I'm sorry for the inconsistency. I think I should blame it on the poor reception in this area or maybe lack of inspiration. Although the former should be more genuine.
Today on Mobola Writes, I'll be talking on a very controversial issue: Sexual abuse. I would try as much as possible to be flexible enough so as to accommodate both parents, youths and young adults view. However, I'll have to break it down into segments since the topic itself is very broad. Therefore, I'll only touch the genesis. I know you'll be wondering how I know these things since I'm not a parent yet. Well, everyone was once a child and as a growing child we had noted places where our parents made some errors. We wouldn't want to repeat such too.
This particular topic was inspired by two factors. First, a friend's post about a book she read on sexual abuse and second, the reaction of a mother to her child. The little child innocently told a visitor about what was happening within the household and she had scolded him saying "you don't say everything you see". Critically looking at this issue from two different lens, one would discover that the mother is not wrong for uttering such statement, however, she's wrong on the other part.
Apparently, this is one out of the mistakes many parents make. We may feel that these children are still young but the truth of the matter is that these are small instances that makes children distance themselves away from their parent(s) and subsequently find it hard to open up when predators come.
Nothing kills faster than shutting a child up. It damages their morale and self confidence. It's not enough to educate our children about sex, we must also be conscious of what we say and do.
I would have loved to continue but I guess I have to stop here for now. Although I have some burning questions.
¶ For the youths, do you think our parents actions or inactions is solely responsible for our own actions presently?
¶ What was it that made you literally shut out your parents in some aspect of your life?
Today on Mobola Writes, I'll be talking on a very controversial issue: Sexual abuse. I would try as much as possible to be flexible enough so as to accommodate both parents, youths and young adults view. However, I'll have to break it down into segments since the topic itself is very broad. Therefore, I'll only touch the genesis. I know you'll be wondering how I know these things since I'm not a parent yet. Well, everyone was once a child and as a growing child we had noted places where our parents made some errors. We wouldn't want to repeat such too.
This particular topic was inspired by two factors. First, a friend's post about a book she read on sexual abuse and second, the reaction of a mother to her child. The little child innocently told a visitor about what was happening within the household and she had scolded him saying "you don't say everything you see". Critically looking at this issue from two different lens, one would discover that the mother is not wrong for uttering such statement, however, she's wrong on the other part.
Apparently, this is one out of the mistakes many parents make. We may feel that these children are still young but the truth of the matter is that these are small instances that makes children distance themselves away from their parent(s) and subsequently find it hard to open up when predators come.
Nothing kills faster than shutting a child up. It damages their morale and self confidence. It's not enough to educate our children about sex, we must also be conscious of what we say and do.
I would have loved to continue but I guess I have to stop here for now. Although I have some burning questions.
¶ For the youths, do you think our parents actions or inactions is solely responsible for our own actions presently?
¶ What was it that made you literally shut out your parents in some aspect of your life?
Most of our parents didn't have the talk with us, they just let us drew up a list of donts and didn't tell us why we shouldn't
ReplyDeleteHmmm. Archaic form of parenting I guess. If only they did...
DeleteBeen a while I commented here, apologies for that.
ReplyDeleteThe parent factor has a lot to do with how vulnerable to sharing and talking a child is. That I can say from personal experience.
At least, in every subject at varying levels of education - health education (primary), social studies (primary and junior secondary), civic education (senior secondary), sociology of education and/or philosophy (one of the numerous GST's in the University), we were told the immediate family which is largely made up of the parents is the first point of reference in a child's morals, values and personality. Not the society. An introverted child can be extroverted at home, or chatty with his/her parent(s). It all depends on the relationship between them.
Hello, Ola. It would be warm to say welcome back right? Thanks for the insight and chronologically making us remember our school subjects experiences. To the best of my knowledge, a child's trust in his/her parents can't be eroded at least at the tender age and the parent factor is very much important as you have rightly said.
DeleteSolely? No. But it is one of the huge factors that has shaped me and my response, both debilitating and building, to situations.
ReplyDeleteOh wow. Another angle.
DeleteThanks for your view.
Making a comment on the topic we got here won't just do cos there are a lot to say. Nonetheless, I'll just go straight to the questions you asked.
ReplyDeleteFor the first question, I'll say it all depends majorly on the child. A child will end up in whatever way he or she chooses either with or without the parents involvement in the life of the child. But not withstanding, the part parents play in the life of a child is more determinant of the actions of the child later in life.
For whatever some children turn out to be in future, people attribute it to the person their parents was even if it wasn't so. It then means that there is a general believe that charity begins at home and even the Christian holy book made mention of training up a child the way they should go. Hence, parents actions and inactions contribute greatly to what the child actions turn out to be.
But let's not forget that, in this generation we are in, the child play more roles in determining who they become in life. Think about it! The life table is turning...
For the second question, I won't say I have a perfect parent. But there hasn't been anything that has made me shut either of them out on some aspect of my life. One way or the other they get to know what's up. Except if I didn't show it or tell it to them. But whatever one don't know the other gets to know.
Moreover, we all have certain things we want to handle ourselves or ways and even want to keep personal. That doesn't mean then that we shut them up. It's more like we are taking responsibilities.
In short, I did not completely shut my parents out. Except for things I just decided not to get them involved in or I choose to keep personal. And of course most of us here have things we don't tell our parents. And it's not like we are shutting them out.
You guys should pardon my epistle o lol. That's why I didn't comment on the sexual abuse stuff. At least yet.
DeleteMore reason why I said the topic in itself is very broad. Moreover, dealing with this prevailing social menace has to start from somewhere.
DeleteI agree with your point that a child chooses to become what he/she wants especially in this generation we are in. However, the child's mind subconsciously picks up at least 40% of the parent(s) characteristics even though he/she might discard it as times goes on.
Also, I'm glad you didn't shut out your parents but it is
quite disheartening that some do and still do due to various reasons.
Thanks for commenting, Drey. It's highly appreciated.
You are right Mobola. And you are welcome.🙂
DeleteHmm..nice piece
ReplyDeleteWe are responsible for our own actions,cos we decide wat we want
DeleteThank you, Elizabeth.
DeleteI've always been the curious type so growing up I read a lot, including things sexual. My mum knew and in a way she encouraged it and she was and still is very open to any questions I have. Knowing that helped me make wise decisions involving tbings sexual, I wish more parents would adopt this habit, so many youths making mistakes cause they have no one to talk to or ask questions.
ReplyDeleteYou must be so lucky. I wish most parents are this flexible too.
DeleteI'd say our parents actions and inactions contribute a lot to out what we become one way or the other. If we do want to be truthful to ourselves we find that we exhibit some behavior our parents have; some we do not appreciate and some we do. However, these behaviors we have picked up does not gauratee a close relationship with our parents, as most of them have done to see parenting ad barking out order without waiting for your opinion.
ReplyDeleteThis thing with sexual abuse won't cease till parents are ready to take the bull by the horn. Most of them shy away from this issues and shut their children up when they try discussing with them.
For me I think parents should be enlightened more as some of them do not even see what they are doing as wrong upbringing, since 'that is how we are brought up' they'd tell you if you try to go against their approach.
Well, thank God for this generation of parents..I guess some people are doing it right already
Delete